9 Lives | Chapter 7 | Part 4: Sex & Intimacy in the Third Age

January 16, 2025

This article is part of a weekly series adapted from our latest book, "The 9 Lives of Woman," by our founder, Christine Marie Mason. In this chapter, we look at the extremely vibrant years from about 52, or immediately after menopause, to approximately 65, an age with some significant biomarkers that shift us to the next stage. I call this stage The Free Period, as we are literally free of periods, often free of earlier responsibilities for the daily care of young children, more knowing of who we are, and generally more financially stable. It is a time of great possibility.

Excerpt from Chapter 7: The Free Period

Part 4: Sex and Intimacy in the Third Age

As women enter the third age, a phase of life often defined as the years following menopause, their experiences of sex and intimacy undergo significant changes. While some challenges arise, such as physiological shifts, societal attitudes toward aging and sexuality, and the availability of partners, many older women maintain a strong desire for intimacy and sexual connection. Recognizing and addressing these challenges is vital to supporting older women in leading fulfilling and joyful intimate lives.

Embracing Holistic Sexual Health

"The vagina lives in the body," a saying that underscores the interconnectedness of overall health and sexual well-being. Maintaining general physical health through regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and stress management directly supports a fulfilling intimate life. The onset of menopause brings hormonal changes that can result in symptoms like vaginal dryness, reduced libido, and physical discomfort during sex. These factors may make traditional sexual activities less appealing or comfortable, yet they can be managed with appropriate care, including the use of lubricants, hormone therapy, or other medical interventions.Additionally, much of sexual desire is mental and contextual. Creating a relaxed environment, incorporating practices like mindfulness or sensual movement, and even simply moving the pelvis to engage the body can help reignite connection and desire.

Expanding Sexual Scripts

Aging is often stigmatized in ways that impact perceptions of older women’s sexuality. Persistent stereotypes paint older women as asexual or less desirable, which can diminish confidence and limit their willingness to explore or express their sexual desires. Older women are increasingly redefining their approach to intimacy by moving beyond traditional sexual scripts. This includes exploring new forms of pleasure and connection:

Non-penetrative activities: Massage, kissing, and sensual touch become central to intimacy.
New sensory experiences: Aromatherapy, shared baths, or textured fabrics can enhance sensual connection.
Communication: Open discussions with partners about needs, preferences, and limitations foster trust and deepen emotional bonds.

The life expectancy gap profoundly affects the availability of opposite-sex partners for older women, yet it also fosters creative adaptations. Many women develop strategies to lead fulfilling lives without traditional partnerships:

Building Strong Female Friendships: Close connections with other women provide emotional support and a sense of community, helping to alleviate loneliness.
Community Engagement: Participating in groups, clubs, or volunteer activities creates opportunities for meaningful interactions and new social bonds.
Pursuing New Romantic Relationships: Intergenerational relationships or exploring connections with younger partners offer alternative approaches to intimacy and companionship.
Redefining Intimacy: Intimacy for older women increasingly emphasizes physical touch, companionship, and emotional closeness over purely sexual activities.