9 Lives Chapter 4 | Maternal Intent to Perimenopause: New Choices, New Possibilities, New Problems

This article is part of a weekly series adapted from our latest book, "The 9 Lives of Woman," by our founder, Christine Marie Mason. 

The Nine Lives of Woman

Chapter 4:  Maternal Intent to Perimenopause: New Choices, New Possibilities, New Problems

Women's choices today are vastly different from any other time in history. They are no longer bound by the same societal expectations or limitations that shaped the lives of previous generations. Questions like “Should I have a baby? And when?” are no longer dictated by external mandates but have become personal decisions influenced by new possibilities and technologies. This shift reflects broader changes in societal attitudes, economic autonomy, and advancements in reproductive technology.

Should I Have a Baby? And If So, When?

Historically, having children was often seen as an inevitable part of a woman’s life, typically occurring early in adulthood and within the confines of marriage. In the 1950s and 60s, women’s choices were starkly limited: get married (which generally meant having an average of four children due to the lack of reliable contraception) or remain single and face restricted economic opportunities, often relegated to low-paying or service jobs. For many women, the trajectory was simple: have sex, get pregnant, have children. If something prevented this progression, it was seen as a deviation from the norm.

Today, however, the decision to have a child is no longer a given but a deliberate choice. Women can decide whether or not to become mothers, and if they choose to do so, they have the agency to determine when. The availability of effective contraception, fertility preservation methods like egg freezing, and advanced reproductive technologies such as IVF allow women to delay childbirth until they feel ready—whether that’s in their 30s, 40s, or even later. The average number of children per woman in the U.S. has dropped to 1.7, reflecting the increased control over fertility and shifting priorities, such as career advancement and personal fulfillment.

Economic Parity and Autonomy: Should I Have a Child Alone or with a Partner?

Economic independence has transformed the way women approach family life. With improved access to education, career opportunities, and the closing of the gender pay gap, many women now have the financial autonomy to choose whether to raise a child alone or with a partner. The stigma of single motherhood has significantly diminished, and women are increasingly embracing the option to become parents on their terms without feeling pressured into relationships solely for the sake of childbearing.

The destigmatization of remaining single or child-free is also notable. For some women, choosing not to have children is a conscious choice driven by a desire for personal freedom, career focus, or environmental concerns. For others, partnerships have evolved into more flexible arrangements prioritizing personal happiness over traditional norms. Cohabitation, blended families, and co-parenting without romantic involvement are becoming more common, reflecting a broader redefinition of what family can look like.

Technological Advances: Prolonging Fertility and Shaping Parenthood

Reproductive technologies have revolutionized the possibilities for women who wish to have children later in life. Procedures such as egg freezing (oocyte cryopreservation) offer the option to preserve fertility until a more convenient time, providing a sense of security for women who are not yet ready to start a family but wish to keep that option open. IVF and other assisted reproductive technologies make it possible to conceive later in life or overcome fertility challenges. In contrast, genetic screening and CRISPR technology offer unprecedented control over the health and characteristics of future offspring.

These advancements also allow for further personalization of the parenting journey. Women can choose to carry their own children or use surrogates, manipulate embryos for gender selection, or even edit genetic profiles to reduce the risk of hereditary conditions. The ability to make these choices reflects a broader trend of customizing not just when and if to have children but also how to bring them into the world. The ethical implications of such technologies are still being debated, but the reality is that they are opening up new frontiers in family planning.

New Realities

For women today, the options extend far beyond the binary choices of marriage and motherhood that dominated the mid-20th century. Now, women can choose to get married, cohabitate, or remain single; they can decide to have children early, late, or not at all; and they can utilize a broad spectrum of contraceptive methods, assisted reproductive technologies, and even genetic modifications to tailor their family planning to their unique circumstances and values.

With these expanded choices comes a new set of considerations. The pressure to balance career ambitions with family life persists, and the increasing flexibility in reproductive timelines can sometimes lead to a sense of uncertainty or overwhelm. Women may feel the weight of “getting it right” when it comes to the timing of children or the method of conception, especially when faced with the paradox of choice. The ability to control so many aspects of reproduction can feel both empowering and burdensome as the societal narrative shifts from “if” to “how and when” one should have children.

Moreover, while technologies that prolong fertility and enhance reproductive autonomy offer remarkable possibilities, they also raise questions about accessibility, affordability, and ethical boundaries. Not all women have equal access to these technologies, which can perpetuate disparities based on socioeconomic status, race, and geography. As society continues to navigate these complex issues, it will be crucial to ensure that the benefits of these advancements are available to all, not just the privileged few.

The modern era has brought unprecedented freedom and complexity to the lives of women. The questions women face today—whether to have a baby, when, with whom, and how—are shaped by a landscape of choices unimaginable to previous generations. This shift represents the liberation from traditional constraints and the responsibility of navigating a new set of possibilities.