A Partnered Ritual of Adoration
"As you get ready to drop into intimate space with your lover, consider presence and pace. These are foundational to tuning in and really being with one another.
The quality of presence you bring to the moment is more important than anything else. Stay HERE, NOW. True presence is the missing key that all of us are deeply longing for. If you do nothing else, try to give your full presence to your beloved.
Taking moments to be curious and to listen to what they feel, desire and need will make them and you feel “enough” in a world where presence is becoming increasingly difficult. Deep, smooth, gentle breathing is the simplest and most powerful way to restore nourishing presence.
Slow down. Relax your shoulders. Take your time. Communicate with every movement, gesture and word that you are not in a hurry to get anywhere. This is a powerful signal to both your own and your partner’s nervous system that it is safe to receive and let down the armor and defenses.
Setting the Container: Agreements, Intentions & Boundaries
Creating a container for your beloved to receive allows them to fully surrender into the gift you are giving them. Communicate upfront that this is a “Ritual of Adoration” for them. There is no agenda and no obligation. They are welcome to speak up at any time and share if they feel discomfort or overwhelmed. Share your intention (to give them unconditional love and adoration with no strings attached). Ask if they have any fears, desires or boundaries that they want to name. You can also be an ally in creating healthy boundaries by letting them know there will not be any sexual stimulation or penetration until after the ritual is complete and they ask for more (and if you are a “Yes” to that!).
Foot Washing Ritual
This is a good beginning ritual. Washing and soaking the feet in salts is very grounding for the nervous system and soothing for the mind. Since before Biblical times it has been an act of devotion and humility. Magic happens when we face our lover with this attitude of service, or they bring this devotional energy to us.
• Fill a foot bath or big bowl with warm water, epsom salts, essential oils and rose petals. • Use salt scrub and/or a washcloth to gently wash your beloved’s feet while listening to some beautiful music. Rinse your lover’s feet in warm water. • Follow with a firm pressure oil massage • Use warm towels to remove excess oil • Kiss their feet.
Intimate Adoration for Him or Her
This is a process that can take many different flavors and forms, depending on a few variables:
• The depth of your existing connection
• How much time and energy you each have
• What you are both wanting at this time: Something really sexy? Soothing? Healing? Spiritually connecting?
All the phases of the ritual are optional, or can be combined however you decide, and depending on what your and your partner’s desires and openness can make room for.
Remember to ask for feedback whenever you are curious, “How is the pressure?” “Slower?” And listen to your partner’s nonverbal cues throughout the experience.
Phase 1: Grounding in Together
After you create a nest, bring them in. Invite your partner to sit down crosslegged, and take a seated position where you are face to face. Take some time to intentionally gaze into their eyes and take some deep breaths together, even asking if they would be willing to eye gaze for a specific amount of time (1-5 minutes depending on both of your energy). Set the container, sharing your intention for him or her to receive your adoration and asking if she has any fears, desires or boundaries. Ask and help them to remove any clothes, but keep underpants on for the time being.
Phase 2: Ceremonial Massage
Invite them to lay down on their front side and get comfortable. Ask them to breathe slowly and deeply. Ask if there are any places they would like extra loving attention on their body, and be sure to listen and linger in these places as you adore them. Match their breath pattern as you begin with some rocking and stretching of their limbs. Lightly twisting, pressing towards and pulling away from the core. Gradually increase the pulling pressure and remember to offer your strength AND softness. Savor every movement fully. Feel into YOUR pleasure as you give, while keeping the intention of adoring them with no agenda.
Slowly massage the neck, shoulders, arms, hands, back, butt, legs and feet. Ask them to roll over onto their back. Massage the head and scalp. Run your fingers and nails through their hair. Maybe gently pull the hair from the roots if you feel confident in that. Listen to their body and sounds. with consent, apply grounding pressure to her hips by applying the palms to her iliac crests while straddling her legs, slowly increasing the pressure and asking, “How is this? Would you like more or less pressure?” BREATHE and stay slow here. Ask her if there is anything else she would love to receive.
Phase 3: Option for Her Yoni Adoration Ritual and Pussy Whispering (for Male or Female Partners to Offer)
When the grounding and full-body adoration feels complete, ask her if she is ready to be adored, or if there is anything else she needs to feel at ease. If she is a yes then tell her you’re going to remove her panties. You can do that by lifting her legs straight in the air and resting them against your chest so you can use both hands. Or you can be creative. You can also be more direct, “OK. Lift your legs up while I take off your panties.” Feel into the stroke of the moment. Then have her lay back with her legs spread open. You can place pillows underneath her knees for comfort, letting her tell you when you have it just right for her to rest in that position. Make sure you have sufficient light on her Yoni to see by. Lay on your belly facing her yoni and slide your hands under her legs, or even cupping her buttox or sacrum, depending on what feels good to both of you. Take some time to breathe and take in her yoni. Breathe with her as she lets herself be seen. And when you feel settled you can ask, “May I tell you what I see?” If she is a yes, then proceed. Let her know there will be a few different rounds:
Observations: First describe her yoni completely neutral of interpretive content. Just the colors and textures, directions, folds, etc. Take your time. Describe the subtle and explicit. Exactly as you see it. SLOOOOW DOOWWWNNNN. One observation at a time, let it sink in. Breathe for a moment when you are done and ask her if she would like to share what came up for her receiving your observation.
Poetry: Share what you find beautiful as poetically and metaphorically as possible. Lavish praise and tender adoration on her yoni in its appearance. The coral and salmon colors, the flower petals, the cascading falls of flesh, etc. SLOOOOW DOOWWWNNNN.
One poetic phrase at a time, let it sink in.
When you feel complete, ask her if she would like to share what it was like to receive your poetry. Now, with her permission, draw close enough to her yoni that she can feel your warm breath as you whisper appreciation and adoration. “You’re so beautiful.” “Thank you for being a portal for life.” Speak this loud enough for her ears to hear as well. SLOOOOW DOOWWWNNNN. One sweet nothing at a time, let it sink in. Ask her if she would like to share anything. Match her breathing. Listen.
Phase 3: Option for Him
It seems there are so many rituals of romance geared for women, men love being adored too! If you have a man you cherish in your life and want to show him some deep appreciation, then try this:
Set up your space and invite him to lay down on a towel. Communicate that this is the time for him to receive and let go of all he is holding. As you slowly stroke his body with a rose or a feather, whisper affirmations in his ear. “Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for all the ways you take care of me (and our family). Thank you for your strength and your tenderness. You are such a gift. I am so grateful for your Masculine presence in my life. You are so worthy of letting go and receiving...”
Welcome any emotion he may have by inviting him to breathe this love into his heart. Use oil to massage his heart area open and gently kiss his face. You can take this Ritual even deeper by following the “Option for Her” and the “Yoni Adoration Ritual” guidance above, and turn it into a Lingam/Cock Worship practice. You can end the ritual by bowing at his feet in devotion and respect.
Phase 3: Option for Him
From here there are so many options to explore. More body massage, yoni massage, breast massage. Let whatever emerge from the softness and connection. Find your way together. Share your desire, listen to hers. Whatever you do, do it SLOWLY. Tenderly. Carefully. The aftercare of your beloved is just as important as the setting up the container and the ritual itself. End with a grounding cuddle and allow time to rest together. "
The above is an excerpt from our book "Reverence: Creating Ritual in Modern Life"