Aroused While Nursing?

Once you get past the swollen breasts and painful nipple stage at the outset of breastfeeding, nursing often becomes very sensual. Sometimes those middle-of-the- night feedings are almost transcendent. Claire Lawrence, writing for Today’s Parent, describes it as “a gossamer thread connecting my nipples to my uterus, my cervix, my clitoris.”(1) Breastfeeding has an “orgasmogenic cocktail” similar to genital orgasms: First comes the release of oxytocin, then the release of pain killing endorphins (similar to morphine), and finally the release of prolactin.(2) Even the baby is getting a little high! Mother’s milk contains relaxants that pass to the baby; that little parted lip drool of ecstasy as they drift off to sleep isn’t just satiation.

The oxytocin release from nipple stimulation activates the same neural pathways as clitoral or cervical stimulation. It produces a relaxation response, and a deactivation in the neocortex (the thinking and worrying part of the brain).  Oxytocin starts flowing from three to ten minutes before nursing—either from the moment when the baby becomes restless or when the mother prepares for a feeding. Then, there is a second release when suckling begins. Uterine contractions, nipple erection, skin contact: all of these things drive different elements of arousal. 

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Nearly half of all women report pelvic arousal during breastfeeding. Even though this is common, it’s not often talked about—so it can be confusing to the mother who isn’t expecting to feel this.  “In a 2000 study of breastfeeding women, 40.5% of the participants reported feeling sexually aroused at some point during infant suckling. 16.7% reported being aroused frequently during breastfeeding. In a more recent paper that reviewed several studies, between 33-50% of women described breastfeeding as erotic (and 25% of those women said they felt guilty about it).”(3) 

Even though sexual arousal during breastfeeding is normal, some mothers feel so guilty about it that they even stop breastfeeding. As recently as the 1990s, a research study pointed to the lack of understanding around this occurrence, reporting that “Should a mother decide to speak about such feelings, both lay people and health care professionals may be shocked, may ridicule her, and may even report her to child protection services.”(3) 

So that’s the legacy we’re dealing with. A totally natural process— a joy producing process—that nourishes and relaxes the baby, and brings ease to the mother, is misunderstood to the point of shame.

But these feelings are normal, and you are normal. Trust your experiences, and enjoy this fleeting phase of early motherhood! And if you know a new or nursing mom, please forward this newsletter to her. We’re reinstating ancient wisdom, and coupling it with new research and the growing body of science on women’s sensual, sexual, and reproductive lives. Like many scientists, we stand in wonder at the intricate design of our biological systems.

Reference:
(1) See Today's Parent

(2) See Michel Odent’s The Functions of the Orgasm

(3) Journal of Midwifery and NIH summary

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Frequently asked

Is it normal to feel aroused while breastfeeding?

Yes. In studies of nursing mothers, roughly 33 to 50 percent describe breastfeeding as erotic at some point, and about 40 percent report feeling sexually aroused during suckling. Nipple stimulation releases oxytocin, which travels the same neural pathways as clitoral and cervical stimulation, so a sensual or arousal response is a normal part of your biology, not a sign that anything is wrong.

Why does nursing feel arousing?

Suckling triggers the same oxytocin release responsible for the milk let-down reflex. That oxytocin, along with a rush of endorphins and prolactin, produces deep relaxation and a quieting of the thinking brain. Because oxytocin also drives sexual arousal and bonding, the physical sensations of nursing, skin-to-skin contact, nipple erection, and mild uterine contractions can overlap with feelings of arousal.

Should I feel guilty about being aroused while nursing?

No. Arousal during breastfeeding is an involuntary physiological response, completely separate from any sexual intention toward your baby. It reflects the same hormones that help you bond and nourish. Historically this experience was so misunderstood that women were shamed into silence, but there is nothing shameful or harmful about it.

Why am I experiencing vaginal dryness while breastfeeding?

While breastfeeding, prolactin suppresses estrogen, creating a temporary menopause-like state that can leave vaginal and vulvar tissue thin, dry, and tender. This is very common in the first postpartum year. A hormone-free vaginal moisturizer such as Honor can restore comfort, and ACOG notes that over-the-counter moisturizers and lubricants are a first-line option. Speak with your provider if dryness is persistent or painful.

References

1. The Experience of Sexuality During Breastfeeding Among Primiparous Women— NIH / PMC
2. The Physiological Basis of Breastfeeding (oxytocin and the let-down reflex)— NIH / NCBI Bookshelf
3. Experiencing Vaginal Dryness? Here's What You Need to Know— ACOG

Keep reading

• Your Brain on Nipple Stimulation →
• Perineal Massage and the New Mom: Let's Talk About It →
• Are You Depressed, or Do You Just Need More Oxytocin? →