Chapter 2, Part 3: Setting Limits While Respecting Her Intuition
This article is part of a weekly series adapted from our latest book, "The 9 Lives of Women," by our founder, Christine Marie Mason.
As girls become young adolescents, speech and tone of speech become important. Authority figures should talk up to kids, not down to kids. We are moving from being managers to consultants in their lives.
A young tween or teenage girl may have an intuition about something, and as parents or guides, we have to respect her feelings.
Dr. Shafia Zaloom uses the example of be unwanted attention from male relative. Let’s say an uncle comes over and gives your daughter a big hug, yet she doesn’t feel comfortable with the hugs. Instead of agreeing with her “No”, many parents might say "Uncle Bob is family. You need to give him a hug."
A better approach would be to offer alternatives for her: suggest giving a high-five, or she could say, "Uncle Bob, I'm giving you a psychic hug", thus being true to her intuition and bodily autonomy, while also honoring the importance of family, being respectful, and acknowledging others.”
It may be challenging for a parent to differentiate between normal teenage rebellion and deep intuition. It comes down to mutual respect. If the relationship between a mother and daughter is fluid, and you are talking regularly, about big things and small things - there’s a certain trust and honesty there that will make this kind of respect easier. We simply get curious about our daughter’s experience and wisdom.
“Intuition is best read in the quiet moments, when they're not charged, and when we're not in power struggle or any of those things,” Shafia says. The eye-rolls, all that stuff, will certainly be there. That's age-appropriate. And that means you're doing a good job, because their job is to separate from us, and that's part of how they do it.
How to Help Her Develop Her Intuition
This is also a time to guide her even more deeply into trusting her intuition, a powerful form of inner wisdom, to help her navigate life with confidence and authenticity. Here’s how you can guide her to develop her intuition:
Encourage Her to Listen to Her Body
Explain that intuition often speaks through the body—a gut feeling, a sense of unease, or a sudden clarity. Teach her to pay attention to her physical sensations. Help her recognize these signals and trust them. For instance, if she feels uncomfortable in a situation, it's important she honors that feeling and talks to you about it.
Explain that intuition often speaks through the body—a gut feeling, a sense of unease, or a sudden clarity. Teach her to pay attention to her physical sensations. Help her recognize these signals and trust them. For instance, if she feels uncomfortable in a situation, it's important she honors that feeling and talks to you about it.
Allow Space for Expression
Foster an environment where she feels safe expressing her feelings and thoughts. When she shares her experiences, listen without judgment. This validation helps her trust her inner voice. Encourage her to keep a journal to track her intuitive feelings and how they play out over time.
Foster an environment where she feels safe expressing her feelings and thoughts. When she shares her experiences, listen without judgment. This validation helps her trust her inner voice. Encourage her to keep a journal to track her intuitive feelings and how they play out over time.
Model Intuitive Decision-Making
Share your own experiences with intuition. Explain how you listen to your gut feelings and how they’ve helped you make decisions. Modeling this behavior shows her the value of intuition in everyday life.
Share your own experiences with intuition. Explain how you listen to your gut feelings and how they’ve helped you make decisions. Modeling this behavior shows her the value of intuition in everyday life.
Encourage Quiet Time
Intuition often speaks the loudest when we are quiet. Encourage her to spend time in silence, whether through meditation, nature walks, or simply sitting quietly. This helps her tune out external noise and tune into her inner voice.
Intuition often speaks the loudest when we are quiet. Encourage her to spend time in silence, whether through meditation, nature walks, or simply sitting quietly. This helps her tune out external noise and tune into her inner voice.
Teach Her to Differentiate Between Emotions and Intuition
Help her understand the difference between strong emotions and intuition. Emotions like fear or excitement can cloud intuition. Encourage her to take a few deep breaths and center herself before making decisions, ensuring she’s listening to her true inner voice.
Help her understand the difference between strong emotions and intuition. Emotions like fear or excitement can cloud intuition. Encourage her to take a few deep breaths and center herself before making decisions, ensuring she’s listening to her true inner voice.
Provide Opportunities for Practice
Give her opportunities to practice her intuition. Ask her to make small decisions, like choosing a family activity for the weekend, or deciding the best path for herself. Discuss how she made her choice and what feelings guided her.
Give her opportunities to practice her intuition. Ask her to make small decisions, like choosing a family activity for the weekend, or deciding the best path for herself. Discuss how she made her choice and what feelings guided her.
Non-Judgement: Being in Presence and Inquiry with an Awakening Girl
When I was raising my teens, I noticed that the moms and daughters that struggled the most were the ones where mom was trying to make the daughter like her- a reflection of her values, skills, etc. My best friend and her daughter would have screaming matches over everything from piano practice to the width of the daughter’s tank top straps. It was all power struggle, not powerful inquiry or collaboration.
Even if the advice was good, or coming from concern, it was being delivered with scorn, demand and judgement. It's not just what we say, but how we say it- the tone and the energy behind it.
Somtimes this is subtle, which leads us to the another suggestion: stay away from the question "why” because is you ask why, then it sounds like you've already made a judgement.
Instead, lead with what, how, where:
"What would it take?"
"How does it make you feel?"
"Where do you think that would take you?"
"Does that serve you?"
We hold up unconditionally loving and compassionate mirrors to our Awakening Girls.
We help them step into their own self-knowing.
-CMM
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