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Talking About Your Sexual Needs

Talking About Your Sexual Needs

Talking About Your Sexual Needs

There isn’t a right way to be sexually aroused or have sex with your partner(s). While talking about sex with your partner isn’t always easy or comfortable, it is key to having a satisfying and safe sex life. 

Your partner may assume your sexual needs and arousals are the same as theirs. While this is unlikely to be true, there are many factors that go in to a woman’s arousal and desire for sexual intercourse. Some women engage sexually simply for the stimulation, but some women will engage in sex to show their feelings towards their partner or to feel close with their partner. 

Talking about sex is an important first step in improving your experience with your partner in the bedroom. If you feel uncomfortable talking about your sexual needs, here are some steps to take. 

Starting the Conversation

To start talking about your sexual needs, it’s important to share feelings of discomfort. Being honest with your partner and opening up about your anxiety may help start the conversation off on the right foot. 

Set a time limit for your conversation. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to start a sexual conversation with your partner. Setting a time limit can help mediate that stress. When you start a conversation knowing it will be done in a certain amount of time, it can be easier to talk. When the time is up, you can leave the conversation and start it again with another time limit when you’re both feeling ready. 

Ensure your sexual conversation isn’t a one time thing. The more you talk about your sexual needs, the easier it becomes. 

If you’re still uncomfortable talking about your sexual needs, try using a book or movie to start the conversation. Suggest a few chapters from a book that speaks to your needs, or a movie that can help communicate your point for you. These can be great starting points for discussions, but you will likely still need to talk about your sexual needs at a later date. 

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Things to Talk About

Here are some topics you might discuss when it comes to sexual needs between you and your partner.

Talk about your relationship with one another. What are some challenges you might be facing that may be interfering with your sex life? What are the best ways to resolve these challenges? 

What are your and your partners’ definitions of romance? Do these definitions match up with one another? Is there romance between the two of you? If the answer is no, is there a way you can bring it back into the relationship?

Talk about what gives you pleasure as an individual. This may be uncomfortable, but if your partner knows how to pleasure you, they also know you’ll be satisfied when you interact sexually. 

While public representation may say otherwise, sex is as much emotional as it is physical. Make sure that when you talk about your sexual needs, you’re not only talking about your physical needs, but your emotional ones too. Allowing sex to be emotional promotes the closeness of the relationship and makes it more meaningful. Relieve some of the pressure of needing to orgasm or only please your partner during sex. Allow it to be an emotional release too. 

If you go through sexual or emotional changes, talk to your partner about them. Sex isn’t meant to be stagnant, or feel repetitive. Make sure you renew your sexual life with different arousal techniques or position changes.

Different Sexual Needs 

Depending on the day and time, your sexual needs will vary. Many things can factor into your sexual desire including:

  • Illness
  • Stress
  • Career & social battery 
  • Family desires

Whatever the cause may be, it’s important to talk about what your needs might be to accommodate your situation. 

Intimacy Needs

Intimacy can refer to emotional, physical, spiritual, and recreational needs. If one of these areas of your intimacy isn’t being met, other areas may be unsatisfied, leading to a disinterest in sex. If you have intimacy needs, make sure you approach your partner with ways they can help improve your satisfaction and necessities.

It’s important to understand that no one’s sexual needs are exactly alike. It’s vital to make sure you know the sexual needs of the partner you are with. Remain open to change if your partner asks you about it. Try to find compromise in disagreements and know that differences and discussions are normal. Create an environment that is trusting and safe for all parties involved and know that communicating is the healthiest way to make a loving environment for both of you. 

*This post does not provide medical advice. It is intended for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.*