Psst! Tantric Sex is Actually a Red Herring for Presence
While many people are drawn to Neotantra by the promise of more satisfying intimacy, what gets us there is all the work we do in ourselves: the cultivation of the capacity to feel, sense and attune.
So while "tantra" often draws people in with the promise of deeper pleasure, and the possibility of more fulfilling relationships, it actually invite the cultivation of full presence with oneself and all of life. In traditional tantra, the emphasis is not merely on sexuality but on fully experiencing each moment, awakening one’s inner energy, and connecting deeply with oneself and others.
The popularized concept of tantric sex in the West tends to focus on techniques or promises of extended pleasure, which can overshadow the fundamental intent of tantra: to be completely embodied. In tantric philosophy, presence is achieved by cultivating awareness and connection with all aspects of life, including but not limited to sexuality.
Sexual intimacy, in this context, becomes a vehicle for greater spiritual awareness rather than the main goal. By focusing on achieving specific results or heightened pleasure, practitioners actually are invited to engage with life, each sensation, and each interaction without attachment to outcome. When practiced as intended, tantra helps individuals dissolve ego-driven desires, allowing them to experience a deep sense of union with themselves and others. This union, often called the state of "oneness”, invites a surrendering of the goal-oriented approach that defines much of Western sexuality.
True tantra invites a mindful engagement with each moment, including sexual experiences, without the expectation of specific results. Sexuality, like any other practice in tantra, is a medium for deepening self-awareness and cultivating an unbroken connection to the present moment. The goal is to move beyond the physical or sensational level to a state of pure awareness. The practices all begin within.
To cultivate real intimacy with others, we first connect deeply with ourselves. This path starts not with an external connection but with an internal one, inviting us to cleanse, breathe, and fully feel our own energy. The journey inward teaches us to become more sensitive to our own sensations, emotions, and energies, revealing intimacy as something that can only be shared authentically when we are attuned to our inner world.
By stripping away layers of tension, conditioning, and resistance, we create space for a natural, unguarded presence. Then can we approach relationships as whole beings, ready to experience connection without seeking fulfillment or validation from another. Through this process, love, desire, and connection are transformed. Relationships become rooted in a new level of presence and authenticity, where intimacy becomes a dance of shared presence rather than a pursuit of roles or validation.
Tantra’s “forbidden fruit” aspects may draw people in, but the journey reveals that intimacy is not about achieving pleasure or validation through another person—it is about experiencing ourselves fully so that we may meet others from a place of wholeness, where the giving and receiving of pleasure becomes a mutuality. True intimacy blossoms as a meeting of two complete beings, each fully alive and attuned, sharing a connection that is rich, meaningful, and deeply satisfying.
I wish you exquisite presence with yourself, your sensations, feelings and intuitive genius.
No matter what's going on in the world, you are resilient and capable and will find a way through,in the company of other kind and loving souls.
All love,
Founder, Rosebud Woman
Host, The Rose Woman podcast
Related Articles
