9 Lives | Chapter 7 | Intro: Extracting the Stories of Aging

The concept of elderhood represents a unique intersection of biological reality and cultural construction, as does the understanding of the body itself. Biologically, menopause is a material process, a phase marked by changes in hormone levels and reproductive capability. However, the interpretation and implications of this phase extend far beyond biology and into the cultural narratives that shape our understanding of aging, womanhood, and value across the lifespan.

These narratives have varied impacts on how society and individuals approach aging. While age can offer wisdom, purpose, and freedom beyond societal expectations, pervasive cultural stories can obscure this potential, often framing aging as a gradual descent into irrelevance. This ageist narrative implies that the worth of a woman—often tied to youth and physical vitality—is on a "slow march" toward obsolescence as she ages. Such a view fails to acknowledge the complexity and richness of a woman's life journey, reducing elderhood to a period of diminishment rather than one of unique opportunity, growth, depth and contribution.

Even in portrayals intended to counter this stigma, we often encounter stereotypes like the “spunky old lady,” the “crone,” or the “maternal martyr.” Some of the archetypes attempt to celebrate the elder woman, yet they often carry a faint undertone of fear or self-consciousness, as if these women remain relevant only by defying age. This type of representation subtly reinforces the idea that aging naturally diminishes a woman’s value. Characters like “the Sexy Senior” or “the Heart of Gold” may initially seem empowering, but they are often framed to amuse or shock younger characters, limiting older women to a supporting role within the lives of others rather than as complex beings in their own right.

These stereotypes affect not only older women’s self-perception but also society's general understanding of aging. Younger generations, exposed to these narrow depictions, may develop a skewed view of what it means to grow old, often fearing this process and dreading the possibility of becoming one of these caricatures. Internalized ageism can diminish self-worth among older women, impacting their mental and emotional health and fueling a cycle of age-based marginalization.

To shift these outdated narratives, we first examine and deconstruct our own beliefs. Our collective story could evolve to recognize elderhood not as a decline but as a "third age" full of possibilities. This shift requires moving beyond familiar, oversimplified stages (such as “maiden, matron, and crone,” which are inadequate for understanding the dynamic lives of contemporary women. In this section of the book, we share insights on the psychospiritual dimensions of the stages after menopause can be a period of liberation and transformation.

Within this reimagined framework, we can bring to light an authentic emergent potency that goes beyond stereotypes. These last three stages—the “free period,” “glide,” and “resolution”—offer pathways for women to embrace their aging bodies and evolving identities in powerful, purposeful ways. We’ll explore how we sustain vitality, joy, and a sense of genuine purpose.

Rituals and ceremonies for "sapiescence," or the wisdom of age, can help cultivate this approach. As they say in Hawaii, in this section we’ll “talk story,” sharing and honoring the lived experiences and inner lives of elder women.

All of us can help both women and men to lovingly undo the dominant narratives that undervalue elderhood. Reframing the narrative for older women centers on viewing them as resilient, capable, and generative—worthy of the same respect and admiration we offer to youthful energy.

My hope is that we adapt an integrative framework that also honors sexuality and sensuality within the broader psychological, emotional, and spiritual contexts, while respecting the material reality of the aging body.

I encourage us all to accept an invitation to lifelong vitality, and approach aging with an ongoing attitude of wonder—a posture of openness and curiosity- and rewrite the story of elderhood as one of enduring strength and wonder.